Stay
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: Sam oince asked Andy to stay, how do things go once the tables are turned and Andy asks Sam to stay? Set end S4.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again, & welcome to another random thought in my mind. **

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews & follows to my other fic, hope you'll read & enjoy this one too!**

**Thanks as always to kelly2727 & the regulars & special thanks to Mandy in Cape Town, for my extra special prezzie! **

**This is set after S4.13. & will only be a 2shot, so enjoy! **

**Warning! May contain spoliers if you have not yet seen S4 ep13!**

**Chapter 1. **

Sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair, in the window of Memorial Hospital Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes as his world came crashing down around him.

How they got to this point he had no idea, it just was. And they were just in this moment.

Taking another long breath, Nick saw the flashes of those five minutes that would change their lives forever, as they took up residence on the back of his eyelids, a searing pain tearing at his heart as the images ran.

_Ford yelled his name and raised his gun to Nick's head, then Swarek's voice called out to Ford before Ford pulled the trigger, and then Nick returned fire and sent Ford flying backwards before he crashed through a window. _

Why would Swarek even approach Ford like that when he knew that he wasn't wearing a vest and wasn't armed? And Ford had completely lost his grip on reality and they all knew that.

Nick's eyes snapped open and he drew in a harsh sigh as realization crashed through him.

Swarek had reacted because of the object of Ford's attention- Him.

Chaotic thoughts hazed in fog became clear as Nick allowed the reruns to hum through his mind and life suddenly made more sense than it had minutes ago.

Swarek had done what he had, for one reason- Andy.

He still loved her enough to put himself in between Ford and Nick because he didn't want Andy to be left alone, or left heartbroken if he was shot instead of Swarek.

Swarek was letting Andy go, even though he still loved her, he was letting her go.

Looking up, Nick saw Andy's back through the window of the ER room they had Swarek in, her body frozen as she stood watching them work on him.

Nick looked away, it was really hard to watch.

He wished he could take it away, make it better, but he simply couldn't do anything right now.

He leaned forward, his hand still clutching his vest as his gaze fell on the sterilized floor tiles.

Andy's words came to mind, her broken _'I'm sorry'_ suddenly making more sense now that he understood the meaning behind them.

She was saying sorry because she still loved Swarek too, and she had realized that when it came to him, she had made a mistake, she had settled for the next best thing because she wanted to forget, or she wanted to feel something.

...

Watching someone die was never something that Andy had ever really given serious thought too, but today it seemed to be the only thing that the universe had planned for her. In this line of work it was always a possibility, and it had happened with Jerry, but this was so different from that day.

Watching Chloe get shot and then loose consciousness had been hard, Andy had been so scared, but this... Watching Sam crash in the ER rendered her paralyzed.

She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't feel anything.

The doctor was yelling commands, hands and feet scurrying around the room as they worked in unison to get Sam back.

But Andy didn't hear any of that, her ears were only filled with the single monotone beep that was registering on the heart monitor as Sam flatlined.

"Get him back people" Andy heard the words uttered by the doctor, but they didn't make any sense in her mind, they were just words- empty words.

As much as she wanted to look away, she couldn't, she couldn't tare her eyes away and stop watching Sam as the life ebbed out of him.

...

"I need to do something" Gail whispered to Holly as she still lingered next to her.

Swarek hadn't been in the ER all that long, maybe mere minutes, but Gail hadn't seen Andy move since she went into that room. She just stood there like a statue. And that was a bad sign.

Gail walked up to the doorway before she too was frozen, just for a second when she heard the incessant beep that told her that Swarek was fading away, and Andy was left to watch him leave.

Taking a deep breath Gail blinked back the tears in her own eyes and looked around the room.

No-one was paying any attention to her in the room now too, even though the doctor had said only one person was allowed in.

Gail stopped when she reached Andy and then her hand just took hold of Andy's who seemed to focus on her for the smallest fraction of a millisecond.

Andy looked so lost.

"You don't need to see this" Gail whispered barely above the noise in the room.

Andy shook her head, just once before she tilted it to the side and looked at Gail with tear filled eyes.

"I need to be here" Andy whimpered out.

She drew in a deep breath before looking back at Sam who was still unresponsive. "He doesn't deserve to be alone" she added even softer than the first time she had spoken.

Gail understood as her hand tightened it's grip around Andy's, she didn't want Sam to be alone if he didn't make it. And no matter what, Andy shouldn't be here alone right now either. She shouldn't have to watch Sam die.

Gail had seen what Nick had done for Andy, the sacrifice he had made so that she could get access to this room, and see Sam. It had been hard on him to make that split second decision, but he did the right thing.

Seconds ticked by as the noise level in the room raised when the doctor reached desperation and started yelling out more orders in a bid to get some kind of response from Sam.

Both Gail and Andy just stood there watching, being close as only the bonds of friendship could be. That's what friends really were; the people that were there when you needed them, no matter what, no matter what had clouded your friendship in the past.

After a while Gail turned her face to the side and let her eyes fall on Andy who's head had dropped a little forwards, her own eyes closed as she willed the harsh scenes in this room away and out of sight.

Andy's hand still tremored in Gail's, so when Gail saw one last tear streak it's way from Andy's eyes she held on tighter. Andy's hope was fading, she didn't think that Sam was coming back.

A single bleep filled the room, followed by another, and another, and another. Andy's head snapped up and her eyes flew open to see the scurry of activity increase as the heart monitor next to Sam's bed registered a heartbeat, even though it was feint and weak.

It didn't matter, it was there.

"He's back. Get the OR ready" the doctor yelled.

Momentary relief swept through Andy, but it was short lived when a nurse came up to her and Gail and ushered them out of the room. They needed to prep Sam for surgery now and needed them out of the room.

...

Time felt irrelevant as Andy sat waiting and waiting and waiting.

Sam had been taken into surgery hours ago but the room was still filled with familiar faces and sorrow.

No-one had left, they all stayed, and waited with her.

Gail moved away when they left the ER, Traci moved closer.

Dov made an appearance and hugged Andy so tightly that she could hardly breathe. Even though he was facing his own version of hell on earth right now, he took a detour to see her and find out any news on Sam.

Nick hovered, but didn't approach.

It was almost as if he wanted to be here if things went wrong, but he seemed to be fighting the urge to crowd her.

Frank had said something about Sarah, but Andy wasn't paying enough attention to know what he actually said, but it didn't matter, either way Sarah would be informed of Sam's condition soon.

Gail came over with coffee and a dark haired woman that wore glasses. The woman looked familiar, but Andy just couldn't be bothered to try and place her face right now. Her mind was too numb to function properly.

Gail looked down at Andy before leaning closer and letting her hand fall on Andy's shoulder where it gently squeezed.

"I'll stop by your place..." Gail said and left it there. The dark haired woman smiled at Gail and Andy heard her say "I'll drive" as they made a retreat from the room.

It wasn't hard to know that Gail was running over to Andy's to get her some clothes. Her uniform still had traces of blood on it, splotches that she hadn't been able to remove in the bathroom when Traci took her to get cleaned up when she came out of the ER with Gail.

Looking at the blood that had long since dried, Andy's hand moved up as she furiously tried to wipe it away from the fabric it so callously stained.

Celery made an appearance, Andy's heart skipping a beat when Celery stopped in front of her. Celery's smile was so thankful for Andy keeping her promise and getting Oliver back, that Andy's heart broke all over again.

Celery's hand reached out and took hold of Andy's a muted "Thank you" whispered from Celery before she hugged Andy so close and so tightly that Andy was momentarily lost in her warmth.

Gail returned with a bag for Andy so she slipped away and changed into clean clothes in the bathroom down the hallway.

When she come out of the bathroom, Andy's world stopped turning when she saw the doctor briefing a crowd of faces that looked so anxious and hungry for news as they hung on to his every word.

Frank noticed her presence and interrupted the doctor when all eyes fell on her and she just stood staring back at them, her hand barely managing to hold on to her bag.

Noelle and Frank were standing side by side, but they moved apart and Noelle held her hand out in Andy's direction until her legs were able to carry her closer.

Noelle tucked her in between them and then the doctor picked up where he left off and carried on feeding their need to know Sam's condition.

Andy heard words like _'stable'_ and _'responsive'._ Words like _'no major organs damaged'_ and _'next forty-eight hours are critical'_ were there too, but they didn't form coherent sentences. They were just jumbled words filling the air around the crowd.

"Can she see him?".

Nick's voice filled the air when the doctor concluded saying his piece, all eyes focused on Nick when he tried to get Andy a ticket back into Sam's room so selflessly.

The doctor looked between Andy and Nick, as did everyone else before she heard his reply "I'll send someone to let her know when she can see him".

The doctor left and the crowd dispersed before Andy sought Nick out and mouthed 'thank you' to him across the room.

Resuming her seat from earlier, Andy began an even longer wait as did everyone else in the room.

...

That sound...

It was vaguely familiar, but it sounded off, like the key to its tune was wrong.

Another few seconds of listening and he knew that it was distorted... Her voice, it just didn't sound... Right?

"I...". It wasn't hard to guess who it was, he knew, even before she spoke. He knew her scent off by heart, knew the warm sensation that tingled up his hand and his arm as her fingers brushed over his so gently that he was tempted to look and see if she was really here or not. Or if it was another induced fantasy. Or maybe he was in the afterlife, and somehow she was here too?

His version of Heaven was bound to hold her.

"Just... Stay okay?". Her voiced sounded shrouded in fear as a tinge of hope wrangled through the word **stay** as she said it.

It made him remember, recall things he'd rather forget.

Ford.

The gun.

Getting shot.

"I don't care what happens, how this turns out, I just need you here... Even if it isn't the way I want". Her hand squeezed his, just for a second, before her fingers were trailing their soft touch over his knuckles towards his wrist.

The pain in his stomach and side was bearable, the fire had long since ebbed away, so his wound was healing, or they'd taken the bullet fragments out. He could hear his own heartbeat sound through the room, it filled the silence when Andy was quiet for those few seconds between her sentences strung together in misery.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to be happy, work things out with Marlo, maybe even forgive her. You deserved a second shot at it, besides I like her, she's really nice".

That kind of made Sam's insides feel like they were ready to crawl out of him, but in a way it made sense. Andy had always had a need for everyone around her to be happy, even if it meant that she wasn't. Sam chuckled on the inside, that thought reminded him of himself...

"That's the thing, when you get a second chance, you have got to take it, you can't run away from it and then regret it and blame yourself when it's too late". Andy sighed when she was done, a clear indication that she was having a hard time saying any of this.

Andy's hand was suddenly gone, her warmth evaporating as it was replaced with the cool air that circulated the room.

Sam was on the verge of opening his eyes and letting her know that he was awake when her hand resumed it's hold on his, this time the other sliding in under his while the second covered it.

"I regret it, I do, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't and I'm sorry. I hate that I gave up so easily. I hate that I blamed you for not putting up a fight when I gave up, when I didn't".

Andy's hand clamped down on his, just a fraction more telling him that she was going to get emotional within seconds. She sounded like she was barely holding on, but somehow she was managing.

"It just feels so wrong Sam, like this is wrong, like it's a nightmare and I'm going to wake up and we'll be happy, and we won't have any of the bad history between us". Andy sniffed at that moment, Sam instinctively knowing that she was trying in vain to hold her tears back.

"Where did we go wrong? Don't answer that, I know. I know that I should have stayed when we were suspended, but that would have complicated things because I wouldn't have been able to stay away, you would have lost your badge, and then I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself".

Sam wanted to open his eyes and see her now, tell her that he was fine, and that she had no reason to feel guilty, but his eyes wouldn't open, his eyelids were too heavy.

"And I did it again, I backed away when it got tough and I couldn't get through to you after we broke up, what kind of person does that make me? It's like I had double standards".

Andy took a deep breath, Sam drawing one in with her but remaining undetected in a state of awareness.

"When you said you couldn't be a cop and be with me I hated it when I came home and found out about Marlo. That hurt Sam, but now, now I get it. After this, I understand what you meant and I am so sorry I didn't get it then, didn't get what it felt like to lose someone so close to you like this, like you lost Jerry. And it just makes me lo...". Andy's voice filtered away into a whisper before it became silent. She couldn't say whatever it was that threatened to spill from her lips.

Sam tried to react, but everything was stagnant. His limbs were too heavy, and his tongue thick and swollen. His voice was gone, it's smooth tone lost in disuse.

Andy let out a slight laugh, one that wouldn't make her eyes gleam, or light up her face in a blush. It was one that sounded hallow and empty.

"Nick... That was a ... Learning curve maybe? I dunno? A distraction? But it'll never be more, it'll never be what I want because it wasn't what I want, isn't who I want".

Sam could picture her rolling her eyes at her own words, as if she would find them to be cliche if she heard them from someone else.

"This isn't how I wanted this to go," Andy sighed again, her hand now trailing up and down the bare flesh of his skin between his elbow and his biceps.

"I was supposed to move on, and let you go. You were supposed to find yourself some happiness and keep it. We were supposed to be friends and..." Andy's voice lacked the conviction he should have found in it, she was nowhere near believing what she was saying.

Sam heard her take a shaky breath as she tried to ground herself before she floated away.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this, I can't be like this, not with you". Andy ran her hand back down to his where she wrapped her fingers around his before moving her hand so that her fingers laced between his.

Sam felt something warm and wet dribble onto his hand, it tracked it's way down his skin before vanishing. It was soon followed by another, then another making Sam's heart implode.

Andy was crying.

"It's different this time Sam, it feels worse". Sam gathered that she was talking about the time that Callaghan got shot and she had to watch him and wait while her heart hung in the balance. "It's more intense, and I'm so scared because I can't do this without you. If you're not here, I don't want to do this".

Andy's hand pulled away, Sam hearing the familiar rustle that told him that she was wiping away her tears.

"I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I made more mistakes than I can count, and seeing you like this makes me feel each one of them all over again. I want you back, I want us back, because I never quite let go, I didn't know how too and I didn't want too".

Andy moved away, the scrape of a chair an indication that she was standing up. Her hands had moved away and his skin was flecked with the traces of longing where her hands had been.

Suddenly she was closer, her warmth radiating over his face, and brushing his cheek.

Sam felt the brush of her fingertips as her hand ran through his hair, the palm of her free hand resting against his cheek.

"I shouldn't be here, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know, just to see that you're okay". Her breath fluttered out across his forehead before he felt the softest of kisses brush against his forehead and hairline.

"I want to stay, but I can't..." Andy trailed off, her hand moving through his hair so slowly that Sam knew that it was for the last time.

"Then stay". Sam opened his mouth and let the words fall freely from the tip of his tongue.

Andy jumped, her hands flying away from him as she retracted in fright with a small whimper.

Sam's eyes opened searching the room for her until they were able to focus on her and take her appearance in.

She looked like crap.

"Sam..?" Her voice wavered and then drew silence as she stared at him in a combination of complete ecstasy and fear.

"Stay, if that's what you want" Sam said more forcefully this time although he still sounded far from himself.

"I.." Andy shifted around nervously, edgy with the smallest trace of a smile tugging on her lips.

Maybe if he phrased his words in the correct order, she'd understand because that last sentence hadn't come out the way he wanted it too.

"I want you to stay" Sam said. Plain, simple, straight to the point. He knew that his face wasn't showing any emotion, but how do you put everything you're feeling in one moment into one look and paint it onto your face for someone to see?

Andy looked away, then let her head hang forwards while Sam kept watching her.

"I heard what you said" Sam whispered making Andy's eyes snap up to his to meet his gaze in a panicked look.

"How much?". Andy whispered out.

"From around stay".

Andy paled, then blushed, her lips in a muted pinch as she bit into her bottom lip.

"I'll stay if you stay" Sam said finding a reason to smile at her.

"Sam, that different, I want you to live, you just got shot". Andy's tone was flat, her words wounding him more than any bullet ever could.

"I only stayed for one reason Andy". Sam didn't bother to hide the seriousness clouding his words, they would come out that way eventually, so why not now, why not when she was so ready to be brutally honest?

"Why? You were on the verge of leaving" Andy looked like she was on the threshold of breaking down into a flood of tears again, Sam's heart breaking along with her tear ducts. She had probably figured that him saying that he couldn't stay around anymore because of her meant that he was going somewhere.

"I'm not ready for life without you".

Andy blinked rapidly, a few times while still gaping at him.

She had moved away from his bedside when he startled her, and she had yet to move any closer.

"What?". That sounded so pained.

"I'm not ready to let you go yet, I'm not ready to give up yet, not on you, not on us".

Andy's hand swiped away at her cheeks, a small moan the only sound she made.

"Last time I asked you to stay because you wanted to stay, now I'm asking because I want you too, and I have no idea if this is what you really want". Sam tried to sit up but winced in pain. His expression and sharp breath making Andy fly closer as she tried to do something, anything to take away his pain.

When Andy was close enough Sam reached out and caught her hand before holding onto it and waiting. The ball was in her court, she had to make the next move.

Sam didn't pull her closer, didn't tug on her hand, he just waited. Like he always had. Well, had except for that one time...

Andy looked down at Sam's hand holding hers, the sight giving her goosebumps and a rush of emotion.

She took a step forwards, stopping when the edge of the bed hindered any movement closer.

"I want to stay".

For the first time since Sam had woken up and heard her voice he knew without a doubt that it was what she wanted. She had absolutely no doubts, no need to run, no skepticism, she was sure.

Sam pulled her hand a little closer, Andy leaning over the end of the bed but Sam gave her a look that screamed that she wasn't working with him.

"Up". Sam said trying again.

"What? No". Andy shrieked out.

"McNa... Andy..."

Andy moved and sat down on the end of the bed noticing that there was suddenly reams of space next to Sam.

"We need to talk Sam" Andy said looking back at their hands.

"Later, now I need to sleep" Sam mumbled slightly incoherently. The automatic morphine booster in his IV had probably been timed to induce the pain meds and had probably done just that moments ago.

Sam tugged again and pulled Andy down as he drew her hand up to his chest and flattened her palm against it. Andy seemed to resign in that moment because she moved and got comfortable with her head on Sam's shoulder as she lay down next to him, on the opposite side of his gunshot wound.

A sudden calmness swept through Sam, like life had finally fallen into place. Everything was like it was meant to be.

Sam's hand covered Andy's as it clung to his chest.

His eyes were growing heavy, and his limbs were returning to their inoperable state, but he was happy.

"Why now?" Andy's breath flushed across Sam's chin as she asked. He knew that the question was meant to cover a little more than the obvious question.

"More" Sam said in reply.

Andy didn't say anything so Sam added two words to clear that statement up "With you".

Sam was content to just lay there in silence, but he was certain that it wouldn't last long.

"More?".

"Everything".

Andy stayed quiet and contemplated what everything meant, Sam's arm pulling her that fraction closer because he knew that his next statement could scare the crap out of her. Telling her that he loved her sent her into running under, so what would what he said next do?

"Marriage. Kids".

Sam said the two words separately before waiting for her reaction.

Whatever he had been expecting- this wasn't it.

She didn't jump up and freak out, she didn't move or pull away. He could feel her smiling into the skin of his neck as she crept closer and held him tighter.

Andy let out a sigh that seemed to be made of contentment, Sam's heartbeat returning to normal as it's staggering pace calmed down when she didn't run.

"Do you mean that?" and there it was, Andy's self doubt making it's presence known.

So Sam said the only thing he could think of, "I stayed didn't I?".

He smiled into her hair as he turned his face and dropped a kiss onto her head. It had been a while, perhaps even maybe too long since he was allowed to do that. But it felt good to have a chance to do it again.

Andy squirmed around, Sam not relinquishing his hold on her in any way.

"Sam, I can't stay up here, I could hurt you, and I will be in so much trouble if I get caught".

But Sam still didn't let go, instead he just kept his arm in a tight grip even though his side and stomach were screaming in revolt. Holding onto her, having her here like this was worth it, worth every ounce of pain his body was feeling right now.

He had seen that Andy was tired too, she had black rings under her eyes, so she had been here for a while without sleep. He had no idea how long a while was, but it wasn't hard to see that she needed to sleep too.

"I miss you" Sam said in a tone that made it sound like he was whining. "I missed this" Sam gave her a light squeeze and then let go as his arms began to unfold from her. Before letting her go, he just wanted her to know that. He had hoped that she would stay right here, and just be, but he couldn't force her to stay, no matter how much he wanted her too.

She surprised him again, her movements dwindling until she had settled back down with her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. Looking down at her, Sam found her face tilted upwards, a twinkle in her eye and her lips allowing themselves to share a smile.

She turned away after letting him see the color tint her cheeks, her hair tickling his cheek and her breath warm on his neck.

...

**Tap tap tap**.

That sound was annoying.

**Tap.**

**Tap tap**.

It made Sam let out a breathy groan until memories served their purpose and flooded to mind.

The shooting.

Andy.

The weight on his shoulder that told him she was still there.

**Tap.**

Sam opened one eye and allowed the room to sweep into view as he let Oliver and his regular doctor's faces become visible.

Oliver was smiling widely, and the doctor was scowling, but Sam didn't care.

Andy was still here, she had stayed through the night and he was finally getting the chance to make things right. Even though there were complications and issues that needed to be resolved.

"_Detective _Swarek..." The doctor hissed when she stepped closer, Sam's hand moving to cover his lips in a motion that told her not to say another word.

She huffed out a breath and then shook her head before leaving the room.

Oliver arched an eyebrow at Sam, who smiled in return and shrugged lightly.

Oliver dipped his head in approval before leaving the room too.

When the door was closed, Andy relaxed. She had woken up and stiffened the minute that the doctor started tapping her foot on the floor when she found Andy curled up next to Sam asleep.

Sam knew that she was awake, but he wasn't ready for her to move yet.

"Sorry, Sarah is always so... Demanding and frustrating".

"That's Sarah, your sister Sarah?" Andy flinched and tried to sit up, but Sam held her down.

Andy gave Sam a heated stare when he let her lift her head up and roll over a bit to see him. With everything that had been going on, Sam hadn't had the chance to tell anyone that Sarah had moved home a week ago and taken a transfer here to get away when her divorce was finalized. He guessed that Oliver had run into her, so he knew, but Sam was glad that she had seen Andy here, it would make things easier later on.

"Hi" Sam said at a loss for anything else to say.

"Hi" Andy blushed and looked down before looking back up at Sam.

"So you stayed" Sam said unable to keep the dimples from flaring. He still had questions flaring in his eyes as he searched hers for any signs of doubt or regret.

There were plenty of things running across Andy's face, but there didn't seem to be any signs of the doubt or regret that he was looking for.

"Yeah" Andy mumbled before shifting around while she kept her face hidden from view. Moments later she slid off the bed and Sam was left to watch her tug her clothes straight and smooth a hand down over her hair. Not that she needed to, she looked perfect just the way she was.

She also looked better, rested, but she seemed to be lost in concentration as she avoided looking in Sam's direction.

Sam called her once, but it had no effect so he tried a second time.

"Andy!".

Her head spun to face him, all attention focused on him now. "Huh?".

"You okay?".

"Fine. Just... Just. I'm good, I'm great, you're okay, and I just let your sister find me sleeping on your hospital bed after you got shot, with my shoes on". Andy managed a smile, Sam biting back his chuckle as he watched her exasperation turn to almost manic.

"And you stayed" Sam said watching her response.

"Yeah and...". Andy shrugged, she was still completely clueless and had no idea what her staying even meant.

"I still want the everything" Sam said knowing that this was the do or die moment, this would be where he found out if there was any hope of ever getting anything closer to the more he so desperately wanted.

"Seriously?". Andy's mouth curved up into a slight grin, even though everything felt surreal right now.

"What were you going to say, you know at the barn before you saw Oliver's cruiser?" Sam just threw it out there, the one question that had been running through his mind even though he had been pretty comatose for however long he had been here.

"...it doesn't matter" Andy breathed out on a heavy sigh. She was trying to do the right thing now, even though it was so hard.

Sam had Marlo, she had Nick didn't she? So what was this all about and where did she think this was going to go?

"Okay" Sam said, but Andy could hear the unmistakable tone he was using- the one he always used to cover everything up with.

Andy inched towards the door until she was close enough for her hand to reach out and turn the handle until the door moved and opened.

"See you Sam".

Within a second she was gone, leaving Sam to wonder why she backed out and pulled away.

...

******Thanks for reading! Hope you'll leave a thought? **

**Have an awesome day! **

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	2. Chapter 2

**You guys have been amazing, thank you for the awesome review! **

**Here's the second part, so hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 2. **

Sam spent five days in hospital after that one, his physical progress unbelievable. He was in a hurry to get out of there and the only way that he would be discharged, was if he was well enough to go home. He hated hospitals and hardly ever got sick, if he did it was with a slight cold mostly.

Now, he had faked not feeling the pain, and he pushed through the physical test that Sarah and his doctor had stated as a necessity to pass if he wanted to leave.

Now finally back at home, Sam took a moment to sit down and take stock of his life.

He did not like what he saw, he hated the last few images that kept running through his mind before he woke up in the hospital.

The memories were splotchy and vague but he had a fair amount of them to go on in order to gather what had happened.

Turning a curve, his mind thought of Marlo when she had stopped by after she heard that he was awake. She had come to say goodbye, and say sorry for a lot of things. One of those things had been standing between him and Andy when she so blatantly saw that things were not as over between them as what Sam and Andy had been trying to believe they were.

She had been suspended pending an investigation, but she told Callaghan everything she knew without shifting blame onto Sam or Andy. She took voluntary retirement and handed her badge in on Callaghan's word that he wouldn't go after Sam or Andy's badges. Unofficially, she had told him the truth as she saw it, officially it had been put forward that she had a minor nervous breakdown that led to her actions being un-forthcoming and her conduct unbecoming as a police officer. Leaving was a better option than getting fired, because Callaghan had confirmed that it looked grim, it looked like she would, without a doubt, be fired.

It was hard to see Marlo blame herself, but Sam got it, he really did. He'd been blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong between him and Andy, when in fact they both played a role in their relationship hitting the ground before it had exploded. But Marlo was sick, and it was unfair to blame her action on her, because she didn't have any control over them although she should have asked for help.

Andy. Just her name was enough to bring the guilt bubbling back to the surface.

He hadn't seen her since she left the morning after she stayed. She hadn't called, or sent flowers. She was just gone. Absent. Missing.

But that didn't mean anything. It just meant that she was taking some time.

A knock on Sam's door made him think of Oliver. He'd been off too, and had probably come back here after dropping Sam off at home after he was discharged from the hospital.

When Sam opened the door, he found the last person he ever expected to see standing on the other side.

"Got a minute?". Collins looked conflicted asking him that question.

Sam nodded and stepped aside but Collins made no move to come in. The cab behind him obviously still had the meter running.

"Thank you, you know for doing what you did" Collins started, it wasn't the best place to start, but he had to start somewhere right? He and Andy had; had a long talk, and even though he really felt for her, she just didn't feel the same. She thought she had, but she really didn't. And that's why he was here. Nothing would change the way she felt, so maybe if he helped change circumstances, the situation would change and be better for her. Or at least, that's what he was hoping for.

"I get why you did it, but you need to tell her". That kind of took Sam by surprise.

"Tell her?" Sam echoed not really sure that he was reading Collins right.

"Tell her everything. How you feel, why you did that. She's hurting, and it's never going to go away. Think about what you asked her to do, and the person she became in order to do that. Think about what you asking her looked like to her".

Sam's eyes glazed over as a flood of emotion swept through him. Who would have guessed that Collins would be the one standing on his doorstep, the one person that understood him and saw through him? He had thought about what it looked like to Andy when he asked her to make that entry into Marlo's notebook, it looked like he loved Marlo enough to protect her, and that he was willing to risk Andy losing her badge, but that wasn't the reason he asked Andy to do it. He was just trying to help Marlo out, as a friend, he asked Andy for another reason entirely.

Sam shook his head, he and Collins were more alike than he would ever have guessed. Who would have even known that he and Collins were on the same page? He had only done what he did when he called out to Ford partly, for Andy, and partly for Collins. Collins was a good guy, he was a cop, he didn't deserve to die just yet. But mostly Sam had reacted on instinct, he didn't like good people getting shot.

"Be honest with her, she needs to hear it, but from you. She needs to know why you asked her to do what you did, and she needs to know what you meant at the barn when you found Oliver's squad car. You're tearing her apart, and the only things she's guilty of, is the fact that she never stopped loving you".

Sam looked away, hearing that come out of Collins' mouth hit a nerve. When Sam looked back at Collins he held his hand out for Sam to shake, his way of telling Sam that he was a good guy.

Collins left after that, Sam getting the feeling that he wouldn't be around for a while.

Sam made it into the lounge before wondering what he was doing. In less then ten minutes he was pulling up outside Andy's condo hoping to find her here rather than on shift.

They needed to talk, now. He was done waiting.

Sam knocked and her door opened, her face furrowing a little when she took the sight of him in. She didn't know that he was out of the hospital, but she was the reason that he was. He needed to get out of there if he had any hope of putting them back together.

Andy wordlessly stepped aside and let Sam in, his nerves lighting up as he walked into her sanctuary knowing that things were about to either get really complicated or really messy.

Andy nodded towards the kitchen and Sam went to sit down before changing his mind and following her. Having her cornered wasn't ideal, but she would be forced to listen to him, and she couldn't run.

"I like complicated and messy. That's just me, it's always been us, and it's only ever been that way with you" Sam said to earn a doe-eyed dear look from Andy.

"I screwed up, and I'm sorry" he added when she paid attention to him.

But she didn't say anything, she didn't know where he was going with this, well not yet, anyway.

"At the barn when I said I can't be here anymore, with you, I didn't mean it like it sounded. I saw you and Collins...". Yup he so could not bring himself to finish that sentence. "I couldn't do that again".

Sam hoped that she understood what he meant. He couldn't watch her be happy with someone else, not even when it was the only thing he ever wanted for her. Not when he wanted it for her more than he wanted anything for himself. He thought he could, he thought he'd be strong enough to do it, but when he actually saw it, it started taring him apart.

Andy didn't say anything, she just set down two cups after taking them out of the cupboard and putting the kettle on.

"I know I asked a lot when I asked you to make the entry into Marlo's notebook, but I only asked you because you're the person I trust more than anyone else, ever". That seemed to draw a reaction from Andy, her hand knocking over the first coffee cup as she fumbled with the container that held the coffee.

"Andy, say something" Sam asked when she failed to respond even though his declaration had caught her off guard.

Andy put the coffee container down and turned to face him before uttering a syllable.

"What do you want Sam? Why are you even here? You said sorry, and you walked away again after letting me into your head for two seconds Sam. The two seconds that it took for you to say sorry for screwing up, and telling me that you were planning on leaving again...".

"I remember what you said in the ambulance Andy, all of it". Sam used the only ammunition he had right now and his words stole her breath away. "Do you still feel that way? Do you still feel the same?". Probably not the smartest thing he'd ever said, but he couldn't lay everything on the table, or open up if he had nothing to go on.

"Would it make a difference?".

"Yeah, because I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I have no idea why you've even put up with me for this long, and I have no idea what the next step is". Sam ran a hand over his face and closed his eyes just for a second before opening them and giving Andy a look that he knew would unnerve her.

Sam saw her edge around indecisiveness as she looked for answers she didn't have. Or didn't want to give him.

"Look, I'm sorry Andy. I'm sorry for all of it, for everything. I've tried to deny what's always been there, but I can't do that anymore, I can't pretend that I don't love you anymore, I can't pretend that I don't miss you anymore. And I can't be here and not be with you because I meant what I said about wanting everything with you, wanting the more that you make me think about. I want to stop running".

Sam didn't venture any closer, he didn't want Andy to feel cornered and forced to say something. The night she stayed at the hospital was enough of a reminder that she would do the right thing even if it meant that she'd hurt herself in the long run.

"And when you feel the need to run, I want you to run **to **me".

Sam added the last line in a desperate attempt to clutch at straws because that's the point of desperation he was reaching.

Andy still had her walls slammed up and it didn't look like he was going to make them crumble anytime soon.

"Why all of this if you always felt that way?" Andy said barely letting the words be audible.

"Because I was scared. Because I... I didn't know how to handle the things you made me feel. Because you know me better than anyone else, and I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same when you found out about my past".

Sam had recently realized that no-one really knew him, not the way he wanted her to know him. It was the reason he sat down with Marlo and told her a bit about his past. He didn't want to wake up one day and nobody knew anything about him, but it was really Andy that he wanted to know everything there was to know, it was just easier to tell Marlo.

"Sam, your juvenile record was from twenty years ago, it made you the person you are today, you changed, you didn't stay that rebellious kid" Andy answered without thinking.

Sam's face told her that he hadn't expected her to answer that.

"Yeah Sam, I know okay. And it never changed what I thought or felt about you".

Sam looked around her kitchen, she'd known all along and it **had **never influenced her behavior towards him.

"That's only part of it Andy, there's more. Lots more and it's not as pretty as a juvenile record".

"Sam I guessed okay, but the rest of it, I don't know because you never told me. You knew all along about my dad, and my past, but you hardly ever told me anything about yours". Andy's tone rolled with slight fierceness, it told Sam that he finally just might have a shot at this, at getting her back.

"Because I'm ashamed. I left that all in the past because I won't ever become like them. I won't ever do the things they did".

Andy let out a frustrated sigh. Sam needed to stop trying to protect her. He needed to stop shielding her.

"Sam, you need to stop trying to protect me okay. You can't always keep me safe, you can't always protect me on the job, and you have to stop trying to protect me, from you. Look at you... You got shot because you saw Ford pull his gun on Nick, and you tried to stop me from getting hurt by saving Nick and nearly killing yourself, and because your soul is too god to stand by and let good people get hurt. Do you have any idea how that felt? How I felt when I thought you were going to die trying to protect **ME** Sam?"

Andy's voice lost it's edge as her sentence drew to an end. She was trying so hard to hold on to her strength that she was making her scarred soul visible without even knowing it. For the first few hours after Sam got shot, that was how she felt, how things looked. But after a while Traci had sought her out and sat down next to her before saying the most important thing she'd ever hear _'Look I know you're hurting, but it's not your fault. Sam's a good guy, that's why he did that. He would have done it for anyone standing in front of Ford. But I think part of that reason was for you, so always remember that. Just promise me that one day, when Sam comes to see you, you'll remember what I said'_. After that Traci sat next to her holding her hand, Gail on the other side of her, the two closest friends she'd ever have being her support when she needed it most.

And now, that conversation was remembered, but fiercely because when she had blamed herself, Andy had hated herself too.

"Because I want you to be happy more than anything I want for myself" Sam repeated his words from the barn minutes before he got shot, Andy letting out a huff in response to him repeating himself.

"I know that Sam, I just don't get why. Not when you've just told me that you think about a future with me, and that you feel something...". Andy's voice cracked at the end before it just finally gave up.

"Because I changed my mind. Because I was willing to walk away and let you have what made you happy until I got shot. Then I could only think about leaving you behind, and I don't... I can't...". Sam couldn't finish his own sentence, Andy's face finding understanding in his inability to say what he was trying so hard to.

Sam took a deep, controlled breath and closed his eyes for just a second as he leaned further into the door frame of Andy's kitchen.

"I've thought about life with you, and no matter what happens, I'm never going to stop wanting you, wanting that. I'm never going to stop needing you, and I don't want it to stop".

When Sam opened his eyes, Andy was standing close. Really close. Close enough for him to feel the heat of her face radiating against his own.

Andy's hand wrapped around his and she lifted it up, Sam unable to look away from her eyes as they danced with a shimmer in the light.

Crap, it looked like he was going to make her cry again.

"All you've ever had to do was tell me that you needed me Sam".

Andy's hand was warm wrapped around his, the familiar tingle spreading up his arm as she held on.

"I need you. Always have, always will" Sam said finally able to admit it out loud. Finally able to tell her that, and finally able to set himself free.

She was the centre of his universe and he'd nearly been stupid enough to let her go. Again, and again.

"I'll be here, for as long as you need me Sam, and I know you will be for as long as I need you too". Andy's breath was warm as it flurried out across his face, her words making his lips react on their own as they tugged up at the corners.

Sam's hand moved up to hold on to her face, his heart fluttering at the contact.

He knew that if he didn't move, or she didn't, he was about to do something that he really didn't think either of them were ready for. He knew that it would be done guilt-free, because he knew that Marlo had come to see her, she had said that she needed to thank Andy for being a friend, and that she had to explain a few things so Sam knew without a doubt that Andy understood that the Marlo situation was now non-existant. Collins had been to see him so that had been tied up too, the people that they had pulled closer were no longer an issue, no longer a concern, now it was just them.

But Sam didn't have time to pull away, Andy kissed him first, her hands sprayed out over his cheeks as she pulled him closer. She did what he had always done to her, she bumped her nose against his before letting her lips seek his out, probably an action meant to give him time to pull away, but it was the first time she'd done that so there was no way that he was going to stop her.

Leaving him breathless Andy pulled back, but just enough to let him drop his forehead against hers.

Sam felt his lips curve up into a lazy smile, the kind that hadn't been worn by him in nearly a year.

"Remember in the ambulance, you said you had this moment?" Sam asked her, still letting their foreheads rest against each other.

Andy smiled so he knew that she was a little surprised that he remembered that given the circumstances.

"This is mine, this is _that_ moment for me. So was the one when you stayed at the hospital, and so was the first morning I woke up next to you".

Andy blushed and tried to subdue her giggle but it didn't work that well and it broke free anyway.

"If I'm your story, will you be my happy ending?" Sam said when Andy stepped away and put a small amount of empty space between them. Her blush faded and her giggle died on her lips. Sam had succeeded in turning the moment really serious and Andy knew him well enough to know that.

"Sam, I..." Andy scrunched her nose up and her brows fell into a deep frown, a really deep frown.

"That's where this is going to go, and this time there will be no running, no going back, no anything but the everything at the end of the road".

"You asking or saying?" Andy said really sweetly. It was so like Sam to take control of any given situation, but this time he was voicing promises that included them both. He wasn't **making her promises**, it was more like he was planning. Something he had never really done with her before.

"I'm just saying..."

"I haven't said yes yet" Andy said calling up their conversation from the night she left for Dakota.

"But you will?" Sam phrased it as a question, a small amount of doubt creeping up into his voice.

"Maybe. You shouldn't be drinking anyway..." Andy's eyes dropped to where she guessed Sam's gunshot wounds were hidden under his shirt.

"But I need dinner". Sam countered, if she wanted to play, then he would play along.

Eyeing Sam up and down Andy did notice that he was a little paler than normal, and he had lost a small about of weight, just enough for her to notice.

"So what do you say? Willing to give it a shot? Me, us a shot?".

Sam was trying to get a read on her, but he couldn't. She had too many things crossing her face at the same time to read.

"If you promise..." Andy took a second to collect herself. "If you promise me two things Sam".

This time he could see that Andy was incredibly nervous and edgy, it was as though she thought that maybe he wouldn't be able to make those two promises; or keep them.

"One; you have to promise me not to get shot again- ever. I won't forgive you if you do".

Sam nodded as soon as Andy was done talking, there was no hesitation from him whatsoever. It was hard and probably a little insane to make that kind of promise, but he was promising to be careful, promising not to take any more reckless chances.

"And two... You have to promise me that you'll stay. No walking away, no hiding, no leaving...". She had no idea if Sam would still want to leave and go wherever it was that he had planned on going- under, to another division.

Sam smiled. He could do that. "Okay, I promise".

Andy jabbed her finger into his arm, she didn't find his smile amusing right now.

"If you promise...". Sam cut it off while thinking of an easy way to say what he wanted to. "If you promise to make me listen when I won't, and that when I ask you for more, you'll say yes".

This time Andy's lips revealed a smile of their own. How could she say no to that?

"I promise" Andy said looking a little embarrassed.

"Is that a yes?". Sam teased as he pushed off the door frame and stood up straight. His side was crying in revolt but it had been worth every ache to have this conversation.

"You need to sit down" Andy said leading Sam to the lounge and looking towards the couch where he promptly followed her instructions and sat down.

Andy left and came back a few minutes later with two cups of coffee and handed Sam his before sitting down next to him.

They sat in silence for a while, both of them lost in happy thoughts in their own mind.

"So, I can stay?" Sam said looking really hopeful.

"You can stay" Andy said sitting a little closer.

"This is nice" Sam mumbled when Andy put her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"This is a new moment" Andy replied before silence followed again.

Neither of them needed to say more. Andy had said most of what she wanted to say between the ambulance and the hospital, Sam had said what he needed to today.

"Why aren't you on shift?" Sam mumbled as he waited for an answer. He could pretty much guess what her answer was going to be. He'd done a rough calculation after finding out that he'd been unconscious in hospital for two days before waking up and that would put Andy on day rotation today, but she was home... Even though he hoped he'd find her here, he knew that she should have been on shift. And even though he knew that, he came here first anyway.

"I um, got suspended again". Andy flinched when answering. "You?".

Sam knew that there would be repercussions to his actions for asking her to help Marlo, he just didn't think that Frank would suspend her with both him and Oliver off and Collins heading for another undercover.

"Um, me too, but I'm on medical leave because I got shot before I got suspended". Sam couldn't resist raising his eyebrows in a teasing way when he gave his answer.

"Hmph. But I only got suspended for two weeks this time".

"Really? I...". Sam's comeback was cut off by a knock on Andy's door, something neither of them had been expecting.

Andy took one look at Sam's face and then sighed, closed her eyes and let her head fall against the back of the couch.

"Let me guess, no contact right?".

Sam nodded, stood up and then sat back down.

"Screw it" he said throwing Andy a really cheeky smile. He'd let work come between them enough, and apparently, he was done doing that.

Andy got up and walked over to her door before giving Sam one last look over her shoulder.

When he nodded she opened the door.

"Hi, is Uncle Sammy here?" A young girl asked. It took Andy a while to recognize her before stepping aside and letting her in.

Izzy Shaw looked very different wearing a dress, and without the blue hair.

"Izzy?" Sam questioned when he saw her come in.

Izzy gave him a soft hug, she was very cautious of his still sore injuries.

"So, Dad saw your truck and made me pull over, he asked me to bring you this" Izzy held up a set of keys and jiggled them in front of Sam who let out a low chuckle.

"He said if you get caught, you're on your own. And this conversation never happened".

Just like that Izzy was gone, leaving Andy dazed and confused as she watched Sam eye the keys.

"What's that for?" Andy asked when she stopped in front of Sam and looked at the keys resting in his hand.

"They're keys to Oliver's mid-life crisis" Sam chuckled out remembering the conversation that he and Oliver had at Oliver's new cabin.

"His what?".

"Nevermind".

"What?" Andy said stepping back when she noticed the look on Sam's face.

"You know that we just got a chance to change the past right?" Sam stated and confused Andy even more.

"Suspension, no contact?".

It took a while before it made sense to Andy, but when it did her smile lit the room up.

"You're here for half an hour, and you're already breaking the rules?".

"Only if we get caught".

Andy was about to shake her head and say no, when Sam held his hand up and stopped her before she could say no.

"This is me choosing you. This is me not giving a damn about the consequences, or the repercussions. This is me taking a chance on something I want more than my badge, and if that's what it'll cost, I'll take you anyday".

Sam let his words cool down before he realized that what he said was so selfish it wasn't even funny. But that was just the way it sounded, it wasn't the way he meant it. He didn't mean that Andy should risk her career for him, or choose him over her badge, he just wanted her to know that he was ready to do that, just to have her.

"You want me more than your badge?" Andy sounded like she was choking the words out in disbelief.

"Yup".

Andy didn't even respond to that, she just stood there looking at him.

"Like I said, I made so many mistakes, but this" he held Oliver's cabin keys up towards Andy, "This is me fixing the first one I ever made".

"First one?" Andy wasn't sure what he thought his first mistake was, but she was going to find out.

"Our first suspension- it might have looked like I let you walk away, but that was the first time I walked away". Sam cleared his throat after being that honest, it still wasn't his thing.

"So, McNally, what do you say? Ready to start over?" Sam wiggled the keys. Time was wasting and he was no closer to knowing if they were staying here, or taking a vacation.

Vacation.

The word made him smile, broadly. They'd never done that the first time around.

"Where?".

"Oliver's cabin".

"Oliver has a cabin?".

"Yup".

Andy feigned serious thought and Sam could tell. She was all ready for this, ready to start over, and fix their mistakes, but she still had something on her mind and if he waited long enough, it would come out.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

"You sure about this? I mean it's not like we have to do this? I want to, but I don't want you to make decisions based on past mistakes Sam".

"Really? That's what you're going with?". Sam arched an eyebrow her way before stepping way inside her personal space and waiting.

"Sam, that's unfair" Andy giggled out as she wrapped her arms around his neck and just hugged him for no reason other than she could.

Sam gave her another minute to think about it, to make her decision while he counted the seconds down in his head. She just had this inability to stay quiet for longer than a minute.

"I get why you left, the next morning" Sam suddenly said into her hair when a stray thought came to mind. The night she stayed at the hospital, he'd told her what he wanted, and where he wanted things to go without giving any consideration to her and Collins who where probably still 'together', so she left with the hopes of sorting that out before putting herself in a position that she never wanted to be in.

"Yeah?". Andy didn't move, she was enjoying the moment too much.

"Yup, it was the right thing".

"You know I walked away the first time we had suspension too right? I could have stayed..."

"Don't do that, let it go Andy. Oliver's doing us a favor here, so let's take it? A week in the middle of nowhere..."

"What?". Andy moved away when she guessed that Sam was piecing the obvious together. This time she didn't care about the no contact rule, she'd been at the hospital when he woke up, that was two days after he was shot so she was on suspension then for a day already.

"You stayed this time" Sam gave her a huge grin, he'd figured it out.

"With some help, Nick got the nurses to sneak me in and declare your room as out of bounds to other visitors so I wouldn't get caught". Andy's cheeks flamed red when she knew that she'd been caught, and that she had said her yes even before Sam knew it.

"Okay, so go get a bag packed, times waiting". Sam let her go and sat down when she went into her bedroom.

This time he knew that the waiting would be worth it.

"Hey, McNally" Sam called out, Andy replying with a loud "yeah?" While she packed.

"Remind me later to tell you the story about our weekend at the cabin?". Sam let out a chuckle at the memory. Oliver catching him out with his then McNally situation, the generator, Diaz and Epstein letting them get the beers while the got the generator running.

It would make an amusing story indeed.

Sam's face lit up when Andy came out of her bedroom carrying a duffle bag and wearing shoes. She'd been barefoot when he arrived, and now she was ready to go.

He was imagining what stories they'd have to share when they came back from their week at the cabin.

And what a story their tale would make one day, Sam picturing Andy telling their kids about this moment.

"Ready?" Andy asked pulling Sam from his personal thoughts.

Standing up, Sam said the only thing left to say, "You have no idea".

And he really and truly meant it. She had no idea how ready he was for this.

**The End. **

**Thanks for reading, hope you'll leave another awesome thought?**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


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